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Conditions We Treat
The Plight of the Long-Distance CaregiverWith good planning, you can overcome the challengesYou’re comfortably anchored in the Lehigh Valley with your job and family. Your mother retired years ago and lives alone in San Diego. Now, her health is beginning to fail—and you’re caught in a dilemma shared by millions of Americans today.According to a recent survey, 3.3 million people are pro- viding long-distance care to a loved one. They spend an average of 41 hours a month either communicating by phone or e-mail or traveling to oversee their loved one’s care. Be preparedDistance magnifies the challenges of taking care of an aging parent. “Ideally, you and your parents have had conversations over the years about their long-term care,” says geriatric social worker Wendy Barnes of Lehigh Valley Hospital and Health Network. “If you’ve done this, you know where they’d like to live if they become disabled, and they have filled out advance directives giving you power of attorney. They’ve created a living will, and given their doctors written permission for you to access their medical charts.”If your parents are especially prudent, they also have made arrangements to move into a continuing care facility and have purchased a long-term care insurance policy. Unfortunately, this thoughtful planning often doesn’t occur early enough. Assess the situationA sudden catastrophe like a broken hip or stroke makes it obvious that you need to intervene. Decisions are trickier when your distant loved one is in slow decline. If possible, make a visit to check for such clues as forgetfulness, poor judgment, lack of a social network, limited mobility, or signs of depression, malnutrition or poor personal hygiene.If you can’t visit, Barnes recommends enlisting a neighbor or friend to be your eyes. You also can get help from the Area Agency on Aging where your loved one lives. Anyone over age 60 is eligible for an assessment by this agency along with referrals to elder care services and assisted- living facilities. Dale Honig, who handles admissions for Luther Crest Retirement Community in Allentown, recommends hiring a private geriatric case manager if you can afford the $75 to $100 hourly fee. “They do the legwork for you, matching the elderly person’s needs and values with appropriate services,” she says. Another possible resource—your employer. Some larger employers have an elder care benefit, with a staff consultant to help you locate services. ‘My place or yours?’If you discover your loved one can no longer live alone without help, your next task is to decide where she would get the best care. Some factors to consider:
Staying in touchAnd if Mom decides to stay in San Diego? Keep tabs on her through regular calls and e-mails to her physician, nurse, clergy-person or friends. Teach her how to use e-mail; pay her bills online. And remember, there’s no substitute for regular visits.
Want to Know More about Area Agencies on Aging? For details or referral to the agency in your loved one’s location, call 610-402-CARE or visit The Center for Healthy Aging. This page last updated 3/31/08 09:02 AM
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